Confessions of a DEI Professional
By: Alisha Keig
Working in diversity, equity and inclusion is complicated. There are the day-to-day difficulties: dealing with the delusions of white supremacy/supremacists, subconsciously looping a list of every injustice in the world, and constantly being called upon to “talk to” that family member, but we know that comes with the territory. The larger dilemma for me, a DEI professional, (and I’m wondering as much for you too) is the existential tension that, perhaps, I exist in a perpetual contradiction. This blog is a product of unpacking what it means to simultaneously do DEI and be DEI, how I struggle in that positionality, and what can be done about it.
Personal Predicaments
Having DEI as a professional marker is difficult, but it doesn’t hold a candle to the tension that exists in your personal life. For example, in my last therapy session, I was asked a simple question, “Why can’t you enjoy nice things?” I was in a foul mood so I almost snapped, “Because capitalism.” But I thought a bit harder and said, “Because going out to dinner in downtown Nashville requires me to walk” (stick with me here). She looked perplexed, so I continued, “My friends threw me a birthday party downtown at that new 4 story restaurant (monstrosity). Obviously I had to drive and had to park a few blocks away because of capitalism (pay for parking). On my walk over to the restaurant, I saw a dozen folks experiencing homelessness camped outside of the Ryman, and then my thoughts started racing:
What am I doing?
How dare I spend $100 on dinner when I could use that to donate meals?
This building cost how much? That’s enough to build tiny homes for each of these people to live in. We should leave.
Honestly, when’s the mayor up for reelection because this is disgusting.
At this point in time, I began dissociating as my husband ushered me into a booth and handed me a menu.” My therapist peered into the screen silently.
That’s one example of the constant tension I sit in; oscillating between two states of being, stuck on two truthful and irreconcilable thoughts: I deserve rest and joy because I am a human being and I live in a place that has caste systems (some I benefit from and others that I do not) that do not allow some people access to their humanity.
Interestingly, researchers label this phenomenon as a form of identity development. Edwards (2006) states that individuals acting as allies for social justice can “[accept] the reality and influence of privilege” while seeking collective liberation by “ escaping, impeding, amending, redefining, and dismantling systems of oppression.”
This is a clear definition of a very daunting task, and produces another set of dueling thoughts: I cannot ignore what is (literally) my job to seeandI know I am not solely responsible for changing the world.
R.I.P. DEI
Recently during a professional development, I heard a prominent presenter and personal hero say, “I wish D.E.I. would D.I.E.” I winced, but I can’t say that I fully disagreed with the sentiment. There are pieces of the diversity, equity and inclusion profession that I would like to see 6 feet under like performative activism, catering to the feelings of white people, and co-opting DEI to cry reverse discrimination. DEI is commonly used as a tool by companies looking to trick diverse talent into their candidate pools or pacify the demands of their employees for organizational change. It’s even gained so much clout in the last 15 months, that the GOP wants to take it down alongside heavy hitting frameworks like critical race theory and antiracism.
All this to say DEI done wrong, should D.I.E because it actually propels us backwards. But as I sit in that truth, another comes to mind: that, despite there being very wrong ways, there actually isn’t one “right” way to tackle diversity, equity and inclusion either. Not to sound like a facilitator, but humans are complicated and therefore human issues are complicated due to the subjectivity of our circumstances and the multiplicity of our identities. All that to say, if I had the solution, the checklist, the “right way” to DEI, I wouldn’t be writing this blog post, I’d be on a yacht in the south of France, rich from all my spoils.
I had all but given up on DEI before working at Beloved Community. Here our scope is the intentional interrogation of ourselves, our practices, and the world around us. The main difference in our practice is our focus on operationalizing. We don’t stop at the “heart parts” of DEI (although we deliberately elicit emotional responses to our work); we challenge ourselves and our clients to put action steps and accountability markers in place to actually measure the impact of their efforts. The intentional practices I listed below, for example, are all things we do internally as a team and ask of our clients. By removing the pomp and circumstance that undergirds performative DEI and taking a practical look at how what we do has the capacity to make real, sustainable changes in our world, we are centering and moving toward justice.
Although there’s no one size fits all solution, there are, of course, best practices we can point to when it comes to intentionally engaging in DEI, as well as, bad practices that can definitely R.I.P Here are just a few.:
My Personal Commitments
Over the last year, I’ve learned two big lessons: 1) trying to end systems of oppression on my own will never work, and 2) reclaiming my rest and joy are integral parts of collective resistance.
Personally, I still have some work to do. I would be lying if I said doing DEI (professionally) while being DEI (living in a body that is marginalized in America while balancing privileges I’ve gained over the years) isn’t overwhelming sometimes. I’ve had to get comfortable saying, “I don’t know” to clients who ask complicated questions about topics I’m just beginning to understand. Meanwhile, I’ve also had to balance being an “expert” with taking care of myself. There came a time when I solely consumed books in the social justice genre and my social media was an endless feed of bad news. I had relinquished all joy because it didn’t seem fair to enjoy life when I knew about so much suffering. I didn’t have time for anything else except fighting for others and fighting to survive, and I was burned out.
Now, I go to therapy (highly recommended!) and keep the following quotes posted in my house and close to my heart as reminders that I’ll never win alone and sustainability in this line of work is a product of intentional collectivism:
“Unravel from toxic individualism. You do nothing by yourself. Your whole life is a collaboration,”
“How can we access pleasure and joy and liberation if we’re too tired to experience it?”-Tricia Hersey
Our Liberation
If you resonate with any of this, know you are not alone. It’s important for us DEI-ers to stick together as we face the duality of our situations. It’s also important for us to engage in authentic self-care. I know what you’re thinking: self-care is now a tool of capitalism and, in many ways, is co-opted by white people to sell candles and yoga class packages. I promise I don’t say this as a platitude just to conclude this post, but as a true call to center rest so we can carry on. One of my favorite illustrations is called The Unspoken Complexity of Self Care by Deanna Zandt. In the comic, she outlines the importance of the cycle of self-care that starts with self-soothing and advances to structural care.
What’s interesting about her definitions is we can look at this cycle from two directions:
Bottom-up: we take care of ourselves by getting grounded (self-soothing and self-care) so that we can take care of others ( community care) and so we can collectively envision and build a better world together (structural care), or
Top-down: we put systems in place (structural care) to make it easier to care for one another (community care) so that we can focus on activities that promote our growth and provide us comfort (self-care and self-soothing).
Lilla Watson, Aboriginal elder, activist and educator, once said,“If you have come here to help me you are wasting your time, but if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.” There is always more to do but the work of liberation can’t be done by overwhelmed and exhausted individuals. Because we are bound to one another, we have an obligation to do more than just fight to survive; we must also create space for joy and glamour and rest and hope.
For further reading, check out these resources: